Sophie’s Monologue from Boys by Ella Hickson
"Have you ever actually felt any guilt? Because it's come as a bit of a surprise to me that, I don't, like I can't actually feel it..."
Overview of Boys
Boys by Ella Hickson is a raw and contemporary exploration of youth, responsibility, and emotional complexity. This monologue delves into themes of love, guilt, and existential uncertainty, showcasing a character’s inner turmoil and vulnerability. It’s an emotionally rich piece, perfect for actors who want to explore the complexities of human connection and self-doubt.
Character Breakdown
Name: Sophie
Age: Early 20s
Background: Sophie is a deeply introspective and emotionally conflicted young woman grappling with love, guilt, and self-awareness. Her monologue reveals her struggle to reconcile her emotions and her longing for validation.
Who the Character is Talking To in This Moment: Sophie is addressing Matt, a man she loves, pleading for a response to her emotional vulnerability.
What’s Just Happened: Sophie reflects on her lack of guilt over someone’s death, her love for Matt, and her doubt about whether their connection is real.
The Monologue
Have you ever actually felt any guilt? Because it's come as a bit of a surprise to me that, I don't, like I can't actually feel it. Like its not something I can get my body to do it, on its own somehow, I can find myself having to summon it and even then I just can feel it. I thought it might be shock at first, and then grief, but I just think I might not feel it. All I can feel is total joy and total peace. I mean I look at you and sometimes I make myself think of him, I force him into my head but I just don’t feel anything. Nothing. And sometimes I think it's because what we have is love meant to be, that we love each other, yeah Matt. Sometimes I even think that love is so important, that it's bigger than or equal to what he did. I mean I sat at his funeral, with his parents and with Benny and all I could think about, all I could feel is you. And then, I look at you and I wonder if its actually even there. I wonder, if I added up the amount of minutes, it's fucking days that I've spent thinking about you, the amount of fucking longing, if I added all of that up and I weighed it against anything you've ever actually said, I just...but then you do the smallest thing. Like you make me a cup of tea when I don’t ask, or you touch my hand really lightly in a room full of people and I think no Sophie, don’t laugh, don’t laugh because its real. And its so much more because its unsaid, and its unspoken and its so much more real because I cant see it, and we cant say it, and its so much more real because, I don’t even know if its there. Please say something. Please.
Broken Down:
"Have you ever actually felt any guilt? Because it's come as a bit of a surprise to me that, I don't, like I can't actually feel it."
Commentary: Sophie begins with an honest and unsettling confession, immediately drawing the audience into her inner conflict. Actors should convey her bewilderment and self-discovery.
"I thought it might be shock at first, and then grief, but I just think I might not feel it. All I can feel is total joy and total peace."
Commentary: The contrast between expected grief and her feelings of joy creates a compelling tension. Actors should highlight Sophie’s confusion and the incongruity of her emotions.
"I mean I sat at his funeral, with his parents and with Benny and all I could think about, all I could feel is you."
Commentary: Sophie’s emotional detachment from the funeral and her intense focus on Matt reveal her guilt and desire for justification. Deliver this with a mix of shame and longing.
"I wonder, if I added up the amount of minutes, it's fucking days that I've spent thinking about you, the amount of fucking longing, if I added all of that up and I weighed it against anything you've ever actually said..."
Commentary: This section showcases Sophie’s doubt and frustration, questioning the depth and reality of their connection. Actors should capture the tension between her longing and her fear of rejection.
"And then you do the smallest thing. Like you make me a cup of tea when I don’t ask, or you touch my hand really lightly in a room full of people and I think no Sophie, don’t laugh, don’t laugh because its real."
Commentary: Sophie finds validation in small moments, underscoring her vulnerability. This section should be delivered with tenderness and quiet hope.
"And its so much more real because I cant see it, and we cant say it, and its so much more real because, I don’t even know if its there. Please say something. Please."
Commentary: The monologue ends with a plea, exposing Sophie’s desperation for acknowledgment and validation. Actors should let the emotional intensity build to this point, delivering the final line with raw vulnerability.
Suggested New Thoughts Chunking / Paragraphing
Opening Confession: Sophie admits her lack of guilt, creating immediate intrigue and tension.
Emotional Contrast: She reflects on her unexpected feelings of joy and her intense focus on Matt.
Doubt and Longing: Sophie questions the reality of her connection with Matt, balancing frustration and hope.
Validation in Small Moments: She finds meaning in subtle gestures, revealing her vulnerability and need for reassurance.
Final Plea: Sophie concludes with an urgent request for Matt to respond, leaving her emotionally exposed.
Journey Keypoints
Hook: Sophie’s admission of not feeling guilt immediately captivates the audience.
Turning Point: Her confession of joy and fixation on Matt adds complexity and tension.
Climax: Sophie’s frustration and doubt reach their peak as she questions the reality of their connection.
Resolution: The monologue ends with a heartfelt plea, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved longing.
Performance Tips
Balance Complexity: Sophie’s emotions are layered, blending guilt, love, and doubt. Explore these shifts to create a nuanced performance.
Build Emotional Intensity: Start with quiet introspection and allow the tension to build, peaking in her plea for Matt’s response.
Highlight Vulnerability: Sophie’s monologue is deeply personal and raw. Embrace the fragility in her words and delivery.
Engage the Listener: Address Matt directly, maintaining eye contact and a conversational tone to enhance the intimacy of the piece.
Learn with Acting Coach Scotland
Sophie’s monologue from Boys is a powerful exploration of emotional conflict, perfect for actors seeking to challenge themselves. At Acting Coach Scotland, we help performers unlock the depth and authenticity needed to bring characters like Sophie to life.
